Conditioned to Settle: Unpacking Toxic Relationship Norms
A big part of my mission in life is to denormalize toxic bullshit that women are conditioned to accept as “normal” relationship behavior. It seems everywhere you look, there are stories of people acting badly in relationships. From your friend that is constantly oversharing her relationship drama, to celebrity cheating scandals, and pop culture shows (I’m looking at you -Insecure and Sex and the City) -unhealthy relationships are all around us!
“As single women navigating the complexities of modern relationships, it’s crucial to recognize these harmful patterns for what they are. ”
In the journey of life and love, it's all too easy to become accustomed to these behaviors that seem commonplace but are actually toxic.
Here are 7 behaviors that you should be wary of in your partner:
The One Who Badmouths You To Others
If you’re dating someone that talks negatively about you to other people, RUN!
Ever heard the term the “old ball and chain”? Grown men acting as if their partner is some how holding them back from a life of fun and fulfillment. (Eye-roll!)
Or people (read men) who make comments that make it seem like they are annoyed by their partner’s presence? Your partner should never treat you like you’re some kind of bother or nuisance.
Being with someone who makes jokes (at your expense) is not cute and you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who is grateful for your presence and treats you like an equal that brings your own unique strengths and weaknesses to the relationship. In a healthy relationship, both parties should be valued for what they bring to the table!
The One Who Ghosts You or Goes Dark With No Explanation
In this digital age, it's rare for someone to be unreachable for hours without a reason. We all have our phones glued to our hands. If your partner disappears often without any explanation and leaves you with that icky feeling in the pit of your stomach, it's a cause for concern.
Good communication is key in a healthy relationship. Your partner should want to explain to you why they were suddenly no where to be found. You should not have to nag them into telling you where the heck they have been. That is sus!
The Liar and Cheater
You do not have to accept lying and cheating in any relationship. That is first and foremost— Sometimes when you’re deep in a toxic relationship it is hard to remember that basic principle.
If they are cheating on you, they do not respect you, your relationship, or themselves. Most importantly they’re putting your health and safety at risk.
Community d!ck is not cute!
The Emotional Manipulator
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. However, emotional manipulation can subtly undermine these foundations. Whether it's guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or using emotional blackmail to get what they want, manipulative partners can erode your self-esteem and autonomy. Set firm boundaries and prioritize your emotional well-being.
If you feel like you are constantly walking on egg shells trying not to upset a grown man, that is not ok. This is a huge red flag that should not be tolerated.
The One Who Constantly Shifts the Blame To You
I was once in a relationship where I was never allowed to get upset or hurt. Whenever I tried to communicate that something was bothering me, he would turn around and get more upset. I wish I would have realized back then how exhausted I was and how unsustainable the relationship was.
If it wasn’t already clear to you, blame shifting is when you’re upset about something and instead of taking responsibility, they turn it around on you.
This type of behavior can look like this:
"Why does it matter where I was last night? Why don't you trust me?"
"You're always looking for a reason to be angry/upset at me. I can't win with you"
"I'm sorry I yelled/punched the wall, but you just make me so angry sometimes.
Blame shifting is designed to make you feel guilty. It dismisses your own feelings about something. It can take away the attention from what you feel and need, to what you supposedly did or didn‘t do.
In a relationship, there has to be room for two people’s needs and emotions.
The One That You Can’t Stop Fighting With
Sometimes your communication styles and overall personalities just don’t vibe. Or sometimes you’re in a relationship with a toxic person and no matter how hard you try, things aren’t going to work out. Stop forcing it and move on!
You don’t have to settle for a relationship that is plagued by constant tension, arguments, and unhappiness.
Life is too short!
It’s Time to Decondition…
As a single woman, you have the power to redefine what is considered normal in relationships and set higher standards for yourself.
Just because certain behaviors happen all too common does not mean you have to tolerate it and accept it as normal.
By recognizing these toxic behaviors and refusing to accept them as the status quo, you can cultivate a relationship that is based on mutual respect, communication, and genuine connection. Trust your intuition, prioritize your emotional well-being, and remember that you deserve love and partnership that uplifts and empowers you.
Raise Your Standards!
